Navigating your end of year boundaries through an ACT Approach

The end of year can create a lot of pressure and added load to ourselves.

As soon as November hits, it’s that time of year again. The “to-do” lists grow longer, end of year events pile up, and weekends never quite feel restorative enough. We’re all competing for that elusive carpark spot at the shopping centre, trying to tick off festive season gifts, and counting down to the holidays with equal parts anticipation and exhaustion.

As a Kensington psychologist, I also notice this is when many clients reach out more often. There’s a collective sense of busyness, a subtle pressure to wrap things up before the year ends, and a shared fatigue that seems to creep in.

So, how do we manage the lead-up to the end-of-year festivities in a way that supports our wellbeing rather than drains it?

It’s All About Your Boundaries

In a season where FOMO (fear of missing out) runs high, many of us feel the pull to attend every gathering, celebrate with everyone, and end the year “on a high note.” But it’s important to pause and consider two things: our cognitive and emotional load. I define cognitive load as the fatigue we have around decisions, tasks and anything that further places a strain on us, whereas the emotional load refers to the cumulative psychological and emotional demands of managing feelings and relationships.

The endless to-do lists and social obligations can quickly deplete our energy. Added to that, we often internalise social expectations about how we should show up. For example, thoughts such as “I must celebrate with others,” “I can’t miss out or I’ll let my friend down,” or “I need to look like I’m having a good time” can arise when we are in these events. These thoughts can quietly pressure us to overextend ourselves, compromising our own needs and leaving little room for showing up with meaning or purpose.

Setting and maintaining clear boundaries is essential. This doesn’t mean isolating ourselves, but rather checking in with our values and purpose. For example:

• If you value connection, how else can you express that value day-to-day, so that it’s not tied solely to attending every event?

• Can you notice the point in a social gathering when you’ve reached your limit and give yourself permission to leave without guilt?

Respecting your own boundaries allows for psychological flexibility which allows ut to have sustainable wellbeing practices that are aligned with a more meaningful life. 

Defusing and Befriending Our “I Have To”

Many of us have caught ourselves saying, “I have to go to this end-of-year event,” even when we’re running on empty. Often, this sense of obligation stems from people-pleasing or fear of judgment which relates to worries about what others might think if we say no.

From an ACT therapy perspective, this is an opportunity to defuse from those thoughts and model what we want to engage with. Rather than getting entangled in “I have to,” we can step back and notice it for what it is, a thought, not a rule that we have to follow. You might try saying to yourself, “I’m noticing my mind is telling me I have to go, I wonder where this pressure is coming from?” which creates space to choose your response intentionally.

Prioritise What Matters

When everything feels urgent, it helps to pause and identify your why. Ask yourself: Why am I choosing to do this? If the reason connects to your values like connection, generosity, or celebration, then it’s probably worth your energy. If it’s driven mostly by guilt, fear, or comparison, perhaps it can be reconsidered.

By clarifying priorities, we reduce cognitive load and free up mental space for what’s truly important. Remember: you can’t do everything or be everywhere, and that’s perfectly okay.

Practising Acceptance and Self-Compassion

It’s important to embrace the humanness aspect of this season where we are expected to have a wonderful time. We often find the end of year can bring some discomfort or pressure related to living through those expectations, particularly when the end of year period can bring stress and discomfort to our family and personal relationships. 

Acceptance involves noticing those feelings and allowing them to exist without judgment. When we meet these experiences with curiosity instead of resistance, we lessen the extra struggle that comes from trying to control or suppress them.

And just as importantly, practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend or someone close to you who’s overwhelmed.

Coming Back to Values and Committed Action

As the year wraps up, take a moment to reflect on what this season truly means for you. What do you want it to represent: connection, rest, gratitude, fun?

ACT encourages committed action: small, values-aligned steps that help you live meaningfully and sustainably. This might look like:

• Scheduling downtime before a big social weekend.

• Saying “yes” only to the gatherings that feel nourishing or that add to your life.

• Allowing yourself a quiet night at home without guilt.

• Expressing appreciation to people who’ve supported you.

  
  

Small, deliberate actions grounded in your values help you stay connected to what matters, even in busy times.

A Gentle Reminder

As the year winds down, it’s okay to slow your pace. You don’t need to do more, be more, or attend everything. You can give yourself permission to rest, recharge, and simply be present in the moments that align with your values.

In the spirit of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, may this season be less about doing it all and more about showing up meaningfully with awareness, compassion, and embracing what matters the most.